Snowflakes and Joy

Earlier today we visited our local indoor ice rink. They let people skate for FREE! That price is perfect for the budget.  It was Snowflake's 3rd time on ice skates.  We don't go often because it throws me into a flare up which leaves me in enough pain to be home bound for a couple of days, or I have to take the pain meds I hate. Today though we went.  We made memories and exercised on the ice.  It took 47 minutes but we made it around that rink 3 times! Last time out she hugged the side for 10 minutes and refused to move. Moving is progress.  She even let go of the wall some and while holding my hand she tried to, "Push push glide.  Push push glide." After slipping on her tush my girl got back up and said, "That was ok.  I made a mistake.  It is ok to make mistakes cuz I'm little. I make lots of mistakes.  But less than when I was 2. When I was 2 I made thousands!" As we were getting ready to go she informed me, "Ice slipping is not my thing.

I keep hearing the Charlie Brown Christmas music playing in my head. The soundtrack is great. Christmastime was here. Now we move on and prepare to hang our new calendars. Yet, does the Christmas spirit have to leave? The tree, baubles and Nativity scenes may get packed away till late November but the joy, peace, thankfulness and love should remain. We need to always be thankful that God came and dwelt among us. Christmas is when God's redemptive plan went into overdrive. Because of Christmas we have Easter and those 2 events are what allow each of us the promise of Heaven. Don't go around wishing people a Merry Christmas in March or July  (you might get a ticket to CrazyTown) but do keep the reason and the gratitude for Christmas with you year round.

Snowflake and I enjoy our elf adventures.  She knows he is just for fun, but it is still exciting for her to wake up and see what he is up to. In early December he broke his leg and couldn't move for 2 weeks.  Every night and during the day his girl read him stories. Now that he is fully mobile again his handler who normally is fairly creative has been struggling for ideas! It will be a relief to see the end of having to come up with fun ideas that take minimal effort (let's face it, once the kiddo is in bed and I can give in to my fatigue the elf is not what I want to spend an hour setting up). Joy comes though when I hear the giggles of my daughter as she discovers his little antics.

It is no secret that Snowflake struggles to sleep.  It is just not her thing.  We are working on it because as humans Snowflake and her mom really do need sleep.  At least I do. The other night er morning I wake up with Snowflake's face 2 inches from mine.  "Mommy my blankets are wet and my pjs are wet and I don't know why. " 3 something in the bloody morning.  So I go about changing the sheets and getting the bed all fixed back up for sleeping.  Just as I am about finished and we can both go back to Dreamland I twist my ankle and  stub my pinkie toe to the point that I rip off the nail and it is leaking blood.  I say a naughty word.  Not my best moment! I get my toe clean and bandaged up.  By now Snowflake is wide awake.  Really not what I want! I just want to take my fatigued, exhausted body that now has extra aches back to bed. Snowflake is full of vim and vigor.  For those who haven't met her, she is sweet and tender hearted.  She is fun. She is indepe

It is no secret to anyone who knows me that I am a bit of a winter buff. I love chilly weather and all things snow.  The higher the snow count the happier I am.  There is something special for me about those frozen crystals of dihydrogen monoxide (water). Last year and all through the first few months of 2017 I was gifted with FEET of the stuff.  So far this year it has been bleak. It looks to be a brown Christmas. Too chilly for croquet but too warm and dry for sledding. The messy in between. Isn't that what Christmas is all about? God coming into our messy and making us clean and pure. Last night was the first night of Hanukkah.  I started celebrating the festival last year.  Once again this year it snuck up on me.  My Menorah remains in my wish list on Amazon and not in my house! Oops. We still celebrated.  I gathered 8 mismatched candles and 1 more in a holder.  We lit the light and prayed the blessings. Hanukkah is a time to focus on God's provision and protectio

I have been doing a lot of thinking recently about identity. Who am I? How should I describe myself? What is my identity? These are all important questions that we each need to answer.  Somewhat they may change slightly over time, but mostly we are who we are. First I am a daughter of the King.  A Christian.  I believe the Bible is true and shows us who God is and how we should relate to Him. I believe that I am a sinner. I know that I am.  I know and believe the Bible states that I need forgiveness and Christ offers it.  Having accepted it I will be spending eternity in Heaven.  Due to my belief in the Bible I try my best to live according to Biblical principles. I am a mother.  I have been given an amazing daughter to raise.  Right now it is her and me. We are close. She is a priority right now due to her age.  I am in a season of full time mothering and I love it.  Frustrating.  Stressful.  Scary.  Wonderful.  Giggle filled.  Fun.  Exhausting. Parenting is so many things. I am

This morning as I dropped my daughter off at school she walked into her classroom and her face lit up with joy! Her former student teacher was there to sub.  Snowflake loves her regular teacher, but seeing this other gal come back made her day.   I have been pondering her reaction.  This is a hard time of the year for me.  The anniversary of my wedding (marriage lasted for just the blink of an eye), the anniversary of my Grandma's entrance to Heaven and now another loved family member has passed to Heaven and I am still trying to celebrate and enjoy Advent while giving my daughter precious memories.  So many different emotions at war with each other.  Snowflake's joy this morning was a wake-up call. It was a gift for her to have this teacher back for the day.  Snowflake was going to enjoy it.   Do I make the most of the little gifts God sends me each day? Do I fully enjoy them, or do I ignore them and focus on the pain? I need to be more mindful so I am open and am a

Yesterday we left our smallish town to visit The Ranch in southern Montana and go on our annual tree relocating foray. It was Snowflake's first time.  I have been taking part in this tradition for decades. It is sunny and WARM.  No snow or even any mud in sight.  It was handy but may I admit a bit sad? It is December and this part of the globe should be white and you should see your breath when you breathe. Still it was a blessed day full of friends, family, food and Christmas trees.  We not only found trees but real dinosaur bones.  Mockers may say they came from a deer, but Snowflake and I say a deerosaurus. We tramped hither and yon, here and there and back again.  We finally found our perfect Charlie Brown tree for our deck! Joy is passing on beloved traditions to the next generation.

I want Snowflake to have amazing memories of Christmas. It is my favorite time of the year. I also want them to be Christ focused. A few years ago when the Elf on the Shelf craze hit I struggled. Do I get one or not? We don't do Santa (we watch the cartoons but she knows of Saint Nicholas and that Santa Clause is fake) but we get stocking stuffers.  It didn't make sense, so I didn't get the Elf on the Shelf. I was then given one. So I prayed about it. God gave me an idea! I could use the cute guy to go on a journey to discovering the true meaning of Christmas each year. So our elf Yates (my favorite poet) does just that.  Each night we learn about Jesus, why we have Christmas and how we share Christmas with others. He starts his journey the night of December 1st each year.  Stay tuned to see some of his adventures!                             2015: Reading Jesus' birth                             2015: Jesus: the Light of the world

Prayer is one of my favorite activities.  To know that the Creator of the universe, the Lord of All, GOD is interested in my thoughts, dreams, hopes, fears, joys and problems is amazing! I am no one special to the world, but the Bible says that to HIM I am.  Just think, God ( yup the GOD, the 1 true GOD) thinks each of us are special and important. Let that sink in. Gives me goosebumps. Back to prayer. I love it. My prayers are not fancy.  It is just me pouring my jumbled thoughts out to my Best Friend, my Savior, my Lord. Last night (well this morning time wise) as I was praying for my daughter the matter of a dad came up.  This girl wants a dad in her life.  It is what she asks Jesus for in her prayers.  "Bring me a daddy, but not a naughty one like my 1st one, a one from you. " It breaks my heart and I am sure HIS too. To hear this precious child yearn for this important figure. I too yearn for not just a dad for my daughter but a spouse for me. Someone to do life wi

I have always thought it would be fun to visit a Hollywood set and have a bit part, just for the experience.  I love to write and plan to publish more books, but I don't want all the fame the Kardashians or others have. I want to be known as a woman of prayer, a loving mom, a modern day Proverbs 31 woman.  I want my life to be quiet but extraordinary. I don't need thrilling adventures to far away places.  I need tea/coffee dates with friends, a Bible study group where I can be authentic and accepted, a job where I can serve and help people, camping trips with my daughter.  Quiet memories made with family and friends. It is ok to want the big life, the thrills and the adventures. It is also ok to not want them. To love mercy, to act justly, to serve humbly, to forgive completely, to invest fully in others, to yearn to know Christ more and more, to develop grace and wisdom, to raise a daughter who loves Christ 110% that is my bucket list. It isn't fancy, it won'

I am sitting in my recliner under my cozy red and white snowflake electric throw blanket.  I have some tea steeping, the Statler Bros are singing and outside the wind is a blowing. It is Monday.  I am in the midst of fighting a bug and coping with my RA. So, a fairly normal Monday.  My Snowflake is back at school after being sick herself and then enjoying Thanksgiving. Speaking of Thanksgiving, it was a good one.  We (my parents, daughter and myself) joined others at church for our Thanksgiving feast.  After eating the Snowflake played with other kids (it mostly involved the very festive game of hitting each other with pool noodles). After all that fun there was a walk/scootering along one of the pathways in our beautiful country town.  I have much to be thankful for. On my social media page I spend November listing all that I am thankful for.  I realize that while my things are nice they are not what I am most thankful for.  It is the people in my life, the gifts of God a

I am sorry I have been MIA, but I believe I was hit with a resurgance of the Plague. Ok it was the flu followed by strep throat, but either way it was no fun.  I am still fighting the awful strep. Not to be too gross, but th e puss pockets in the back of my throat leave an awful taste in my mouth. Not much fun. Still, we have had our good moments too. Snowflake is doing well with her spelling words. She had a Sock Hop to celebrate the 50th day of school and lots of friends are praying for us.  All in all I shouldn't complain. Right now I am wide awake listening to my daughter sleep and it hits me how blessed we are.  We have a warm and cozy house, we are safe and well fed, for all the sickness we are fighting we have doctors and medicine to help.  Lots of blessings indeed. May you see the joy of blessings within the trials and spend this month thanking Abba for all He has done and continues to do for us.

I am far from perfect.  Some might even say I am not very good.  You either like me or you don't. I am ok with that.  I don't need everyone to be my friend. I cancel plans on short notice. I am pretty much a hermit. I don't like parties. I prefer small gatherings. I am not artistic. I am quirky. I don't care about fashion. I need to lose weight. Six years ago I was a pregnant mom in the last trimester. My life had already changed. It was no longer about me. There was a little girl totally dependent upon me and my choices.  Selfishness had to vanish. Snuggles on the couch while reading or watching TV became my new Friday night. Formula went on the shopping list and new books went off.  My needs and wants became secondary to her needs. Four and a half years ago our family of 3 became a team of 2. Pennies are pinched and luxuries became Happy Meals and dolls. I'd much rather see the clutter of toys and coloring books than a living room that would feature on a g

Last night as we were praying my Snowflake asked, "Jesus bring me a daddy please?" It is a prayer I have heard often and one that makes me want to weep. She knows and will tell people that God is her Abba, her Father, but my sweet girl longs for a daddy.  She has a great Papa (my Dad) and an adopted Grandpa Gary. There are great male role models in her life, but she wants a dad. That is something I haven't been able to provide for her.  I was almost engaged earlier but I realized that I was doing it for the wrong reasons and with the wrong man. She will only get her deepest prayer if it is for the right reasons: 1. He loves Jesus 2. He loves me and Snowflake 3. God gives me peace.  With everything we have been through I have to approach this with my eyes wide open. I want to find my mate.  I loved being married. Marriage is a great institution, but I will be careful and my husband will be a man of God.  It will be a good union.  So, Snowflake will have to be patie

Parenting is not for the lazy or those in it just for the Hallmark moments.  Parenting is a full time gig.  It is messy and it is difficult. It doesn't matter if you are married to the other parent, divorced and doing the step-parent life our rocking the single parent life. We should all want what is best for our children and that means there will be times when it is hard.  There will be nights when you want to sneak out and escape because the stress of raising children to serve our Lord is hard! Take heart! Even if you are a single parent with the other one totally out of the picture you can do this.  You will mess up and yell, make the wrong choice and feel like you blew it! Forgive yourself, seek the Lord for wisdom and vent to a friend.  Then, move on. You are never alone.  You have Abba helping you. He forgives your parenting blunders.  Give yourself a break and Kit Kat and go back to loving your kids. (This is mostly a pep talk for myself. It had been a day!) 1 o

I have been struggling lately.  I have a severe case of writer's block.  My 2nd book is stalling. I know where I want to go with it and what I want to say, but I am not sure how to say it. So, I just stare at the screen till I get a better offer. Today's better offer was snow! Why stare blankly at a screen when you can watch snow falling? My Snowflake has a bit of a cold, so we only played outside for a few minutes (& there was only 1 inch of snow). It was fun though.  Great to get out and giggle with my girl. Joy comes when you choose to the make each moment count, when you live in the present and watch a child just light up over the small things. The wonder and thrill of snow still excites my almost 6 year old (almost as much as it does me).  Joy comes when I stop what is causing stress and see life through my daughter's eyes.

With the death of my great aunt, a gal at church and the time of the year I can't hemp but reminisce. Death sucks.  Grieving sucks.  Moving on sucks.  Mourning headaches (the ones you get from crying) sucks. I miss both of my grandmothers, but my Mom's mom is the death I struggle with so much.  Maybe because I relate to her. We both love history, especially family history.  We both have a strong affinity for America.  We have both been betrayed by our respective spouses. The last almost 5 years I have needed her wisdom, advice and hugs. I know that even though she resides in Heaven now I still have her love.  That will never change.  Still, I wish I could have 1 more hour with her.  Just 1. Just 60 minutes to hug her and listen to her wisdom. Today I am really missing her.  Missing her is tough. She was special to do many, friendly, gracious and loving.  To me she was just Grandma. So as I miss her and grieve anew for all the moments with her I don't get, for al

Well we are not starting November the way I would prefer.  My Snowflake has a cold or some kind of bug. It is a stay home and sleep day for her.  Hopefully a clean and de-clutter day for me! Today is her first sick day and she was not excited at all. Snowflake loves school. She thinks it should be 6 days a week. She is like her mother. I loved school. Active learning about anything was my hobby. To have to miss a day was a bummer. Necessary though. As someone with a very compromised immune system, with a body that attacks itself and not the yuckies I know the value of rest and listening to my body.  We can read books and do a worksheet. We can learn at home. We were able to visit a couple of houses for trick ir treats last night and fill the memory bank. She made a very cute ballerina/Pinkie Pie.

Have you ever felt like you are paying for someone else's mistakes or bad choices? I have.  My daughter is.  Her dad chose to do some pretty vile things and is in prison for 70ish years.  Basically life. Those outside the prison gates, his family, are left to pick up the pieces and carry on.  We must soldier through the hurt and disillusionment. The fear, guilt, shame and questions.  Our lives continue on knowing this man was not who he said he was, and has hurt many people. His daughter is a big part of that.  She is now growing up without him.  At some point she will have to know the truth.  When she is older she may want to go visit him.  I will support her if she does and even go with her.  I will support her if she does not. Right now and for the rest of our lives we are paying for his choices.  Our journey had changed greatly.  Our family broke. It is up to me to model how to handle the change. Thankfully I am not alone.  I have the Bible and the Holy Spirit to help a

A gal at church is dying.  She has fought a tough battle with cancer and God has chosen to heal her, not be removing the cancer but by calling her home, to her real home, with Him in Glory.  She leaves behind so many lives she has touched. Not just her family, though the earthly good bye for them will be the toughest. All of us who have been privileged to know her have been touched. She has fought with grace and dignity. She has shown her love and faith in our Savior. I am sure when she wakes up in Heaven she will hear the treasured words, "Well done" and "Welcome home!" For her it will be the best day.  For those still here it can be the worst day.  Death does that and it is OK. It is ok and good to grieve.  To cry our hearts out, to mourn. GOD as Jesus wept over death. We can too. Death is final.  It is good-bye. No more will memories be made of the one who died, there just is what we have to cherish. No more hugs or phone calls. No more nagging and getting

You are not an "easy" child.  You have a strong will.  We butt heads often. Over interesting things, things that as an adult seem minor, but are not minor to you.  It can be tough, the battles over leaving somewhere, not getting what you want, just a myriad of things. I get angry and frustrated.  I' ve seen you at your worst. You have seen me at my worst.  At the end of the day we are a family.  We love each other and we are here for each other. That strong will you have is a good thing.  Jesus gave it to you.  It will serve you well in the years and decades to come.  Use it to persevere through hard times.  Use it to overcome struggles. Use it to defend others and fight for what is right. A strong will dedicated to God is great.  I promise.  Learn to use this amazing personality Abba gave you.  You have so much to offer others.  You are kind.  You are smart.  You are fun.  Even when I get frustrated I am proud of you for standing up for what you want. Joy comes

For the last 3.5 years I have worked at a local residential treatment facility for adjudicated youth (both boys and girls). A majority of our students are court ordered and have substance abuse and trauma backgrounds.  They are from various states in this great country.  God has given me a heart for these kids that many people (including some of their parents) have given up on trying to help.  We don't give up on them because God hasn't. Well, that chapter in my life is over, for a variety of reasons and it is time to start the new chapter (which is blank at the moment). It is exciting and scary to move on.  It is also good. I have a chance to widen my sphere of influence, to meet new people. To find new hearts to pray for. Just as this swing is still and waiting to be used, it is my turn to be still and wait for God to direct me. To conserve my energy.  To be here and ready to go. Joy comes when we learn to embrace change and let God love us and guide us through.

I didn't snap a photo.  Which is abnormal for me.  I take 8 gazillion photos because 5 concussions leaves marks.  They have affected my memory. I have memories but I have blank areas too. Things that normal people remember but I don't.  I use pictures too help. Today I walked with Snowflake to school.  At the edge of the neighborhood/ start of the school property I let her walk on by herself as I watched. She looked so small yet so confident walking to the playground.  My little girl, walking to school.  Growing up.  It wasn't just any kid walking on that sidewalk, it was my heart. Today it struck me just how quickly she is growing up now that she is in school. Things are changing.  It is good and it is natural.  I want her to be strong and independent. I want her to have confidence. I want her to enjoy this phase of life. Yet, that is my baby. I know her fears and worries. I know what bothers her.  I know what is behind the smile.  I know what she has overcome and

This morning was a special one.  Our church has started what will be an annual tradition, giving Bibles to Kindergarteners. I thought it was a really cool idea.  So did Snowflake.  She loved going up on stage, hearing her name and receiving a big Bible with her name in it. After, we went out to the hallway and before going to class we sat down and looked through her new, pink Bible. It has great illustrations and looks to be a Bible to grow up with.  One to pass down to her daughter someday  (decades from now). I have been praying about and contemplating a new Bible myself.  I have been using my Precious Moments Bible, which is great but I want more of a study Bible and I prefer not the NIV. NASB is my favorite. Then, I happened upon this gem. Not NASB, but... The She Reads Truth Bible.  It comes in linen, imitation leather and real leather. It has study guides, charts and maps. It looks like a great Bible.  I think I may have found it.  My new Bible. I haven't ordered

This photo sums up my life right now.  Messy and blessed.  This is my Snowflake's version of a clean room. "Mommy all my snuggle buddies are near each other. Like with like Mommy." In my eyes this room is the scene of a category 2 hurricane. The bed is a disaster, the animals escaped their pen, the rug has been displaced, and on and on!  I could not function in there. Somehow my precious child can go into that disaster zone and her imagination takes over and she has fun! So even in this mess I see blessings. This picture is in our home. We have a cozy in the wind and rain home.  We have beds and blankets, closets full of clothes. We have: toys, books, games, puzzles, movies and a plethora of things.  So much so that I have been purging lately. Our pantry and fridge are full. I don't take any of this for granted.  It can all be gone in the blink of an eye.  Fire, tornado, flood, robbery, you name it. Disasters can happen. Joy comes when we realize that it i

So Snowflake wanted to read for her cousin who lives 1000ish miles away.  Luckily we live in the 21st century and I am quite adept with my smart phone camera.  😂 We made a video.  I thought I would share it here too.  Reading is one of my favorite activities, so I just love listening to my Snowflake read.

This morning was rough.  It was just one of those days.  All people have them.  Days when you don't want to do what you have to do.  When you are 5 and having a morning like ours that translates into stubbornness and struggles.  When you are in your 30's it means under the breath mummbles and grummbles. I admit, we were both cranky and feeding off of the other person's crank. As I dropped my girl off at school (right as the last bell rang... ugh) neither of us wanted our time together to end. So, she got a few extra hugs and I left her, praying that being at school with her friends and the teacher she loves would help her day and mood improve. We are not always going to have good days. Sometimes the days are going to be trudging through the muck, fighting for every step forward, maybe even falling and getting dirty. It is OK! Just don't stay there.  Get up, shower off, do what you need to do to move on & feel better. Apologize if your cranky affected others

In so many ways this child is my "mini-me", but in just as many other ways we are vastly different. It has been fun to watch her grow and become Snowflake.  To see her interests and hobbies emerge. Just like her Mom, she loves comfy & cuddly clothes at night. This outfit sums up her personality.  Fun with flair and cozy.  Exciting and comforting. While I gravitate more toward Peanuts, Pooh Bear and Calvin and Hobbes, Snowflake chooses: My Little Pony, Shopkins and Paw Patrol. We both agree on the awesomeness of the Berenstain Bears. I have always wanted to be a mom.  As a kid I pictured myself as a stay at home mom and wife.  We would have 3 kids, 2 dogs and 1 cat. Once the kids were all in school I would either be a substitute teacher or a counselor working from home. My reality is not what I pictured, dreamed of and prayed for.  My daughter spent her early years in daycare. My ex is in prison for life and our family is: Mom, daughter and 2 cats. I had to gri

In 2009 while at seminary I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis and its bedfellow Chronic Fatigue. Finally after years and multiple misdiagnosis issues, I had answers.  I could put a name to what my body was doing.  It isn't pretty folks. And no, I'm not too young.  RA can hit anyone at any age. I can cope with the pain. I have strategies for that.  What I really hate the most is the fatigue.  Fatigue is not just being tired or sleepy.  This is more.  Imagine carrying an 80 pound pack up your state's tallest peak with no training.  Picture yourself at the top. That is not even enough.  Fatigue is in your bones, in your head, your muscles, each cell is weary, beyond weary. Fatigue is part of many other disorders.  For those with pain disorders part of it comes from being in pain ALL. THE. TIME. The pain can sometimes be masked, but it is a partner for life. What is the hardest is being this weary and not able to go on walks, to the park, our play with my daughter.

This smile, the giggle that went with it, this is why I couldn't give up in 2013. When almost everything was taken from me, when my husband was forced to leave us (due to his choices), I was tempted to give in to my depression, fear and shame. I couldn't though.  I had this sweet and innocent child depending on me. I was all she had as a parent.  God used her to keep my head above water. I might have been about to go under, but God used my role as Mom to help me. Having her reminded me that it would be foolish to run from Abba. So, during my horrific struggles I chose to run to God. That made all the difference! I was able to do what needed to be done, Snowflake and I survived and now, almost 5 years later we are still a family of 2 (& 2 cats) but we have a plethora of blessings. We have assurance that God is near to us. Joy comes when we don't give up. It comes when we find the one thing to keep us going and we clung to it.  Let God give us that motivation. Loo

Sunday was a busy day in our household.  It started with church.  Snowflake learned about David and Goliath and the power of faith and trust.  I got to hang out in the nursery and rock to sleep a sweet infant.  It was precious, a blessed morning. And then there was the eventful Packer game.  The game started off with our quarterback receiving a season ending injury.  It went downhill from there.  Turns out when God designed our collarbone He did not make it totally tackle proof! Shucks! The part of America that isn't boycotting the crazy NFL is full of chatter about the Pack's chances for a Super bowl win with our star QB gone. Most believe our hopes are in vain now. Personally, I am not giving up. Maybe Hundley will raise to the occasion. There is a lot of football left. I digress.  This is NOT a football blog.  Though I love my Packers! This is a "Welcone to our world" blog. Today, Snowflake and I visited a local car dealership.  She found what she w

As a parent of a creatively ingenious and a bit naughty child, I often return from the bathroom to find something had happened in the last 48 seconds. Yesterday it was milk poured into the hot chocolate powder to create "Hot chocolate soup. But Mommy it isn't very soupy. It is yummy." We talked about the naughty side of what she did, but then the powder was still ruined.  We couldn't fix this, so she got to have the fruits of her labor (& then took a bath. Cold hot chocolate soup enjoyed with a ladle is quite messy). But, it means that for the next couple of weeks she will not get any hot chocolate. God disciplines us in many ways.  Just as I allowed Snowflake to enjoy her naughtily made concoction, God may allow us the "pleasure" of our sin, but then we face consequences later, when that bad choice led to not having something better in the future. Discipline isn't to make us mad or deprive us. It is to teach us, to grow us. Discipline teache

 The other day we were at the country kid version of a shopping mall. We visited the local Wal-Mart. We purchased groceries, toiletries and a few odds and ends.  All in one store! Isn't life in the 21st century grand? Right at the entrance is a big bin of these animal masks. Snowflake put 1 on and said, "Guess who it is! I bet you don't know it is me. I look just like a bear panda." How often have I put on a "mask" and pretended to be someone I was not  (or pretended to feel a way I did not feel)? Often. Too often I lie. When I'm asked "How are you?" I lie and say, "I'm good." Or "I'm fine." When the opposite is true. I can be deep in a pit and still wanting to put on that mask of having it all figured out. I fear just as Snowflake was easily recognizable, so are my silly words. Why do we pretend? We all have our reasons. For me, it isn't wanting to bother others with my struggles. Or not knowing how to

She is my darling and I love her.  I love her strong will, even while I butt up against it.  She will need that strength to get through the rough patches of life. This morning it was out in full force.  She was not going to give in for anything. If I had told her to take $1000.00 and buy her favorite toys she would have whined, stomped her foot and refused. How often are we like that toward God? He wants to help us obey and be the best versions of ourselves and we flat out refuse? We take a little bit of discipline and get mad and hurt and then waste time refusing to do what He asks, when doing what we need to do would take less time than arguing? Self-discipline and a spirit willing to do the right thing will lead to joy.  God wants to give us joy, but we have to clean up our act first.  We have to give Him our obedience, not for salvation, for salvation is only dependent upon faith, but for our ability to receive the good gifts He has for us.

Joy is not easy.  Joy can be hard won.  Joy is nit happiness. Joy is choosing to focus on the eternal when the chaos of the temporal is wrecking havoc. Joy is knowing that we are just travelers and this life is our journey. There will be pot holes, broken tires and blown engines along the way. There will also be spectacular views and extraordinary stops. It helps to have the right traveling companions. I am blessed in that I have a grwat back seat driver, my five and a year old daughter, Snowflake. I hate how our culture has taken the term snowflake to be derogatory. For me, I gave her the nickname because she is: one of a kind, beautiful, fragile yet resilient, and created with love by our Creator. But, I digress. My journey has been full of twists and turns. I have had my times on the side of the road needing help. At 18 I was raped by 2 men in my college apartment. One of them left me pregnant (confirmed that on my 19th birthday). By that Spring I miscarried and attempted suic