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Joy in the Muck

Joy is not easy.  Joy can be hard won.  Joy is nit happiness. Joy is choosing to focus on the eternal when the chaos of the temporal is wrecking havoc. Joy is knowing that we are just travelers and this life is our journey. There will be pot holes, broken tires and blown engines along the way. There will also be spectacular views and extraordinary stops.

It helps to have the right traveling companions. I am blessed in that I have a grwat back seat driver, my five and a year old daughter, Snowflake.

I hate how our culture has taken the term snowflake to be derogatory. For me, I gave her the nickname because she is: one of a kind, beautiful, fragile yet resilient, and created with love by our Creator. But, I digress.

My journey has been full of twists and turns. I have had my times on the side of the road needing help. At 18 I was raped by 2 men in my college apartment. One of them left me pregnant (confirmed that on my 19th birthday). By that Spring I miscarried and attempted suicide.

I was a Christian. I chose in my pain to blame God. I yelled at Him. I ran and tried to ignore Him. Thankfully He did not ignore me.

Even when I hooked up with a drunk and abusive boyfriend God was there. It came to a head one night when said boy got drunk and not only attacked me, but my best friend. That night began my realizing I was driving the wrong way down the highway.

I repented, I wept, I decided that God wasn't to blame. He wept when I did. He hated what had happened and He wanted to help me find a new direction for my life, He wanted to give me joy.

It was a slow drive on back roads, some bumpy and muddy but I started heading in a safer direction.

I graduated from college and secured a job working with the adolescent kids that our society has almost given up on. After a few years my journey headed East to seminary and a Master's degree in Pastoral Counseling.

I found my prince there.  A God-fearing Virginia country boy. We married and had a daughter, Snowflake. 14 months later I was as shocked and devastated to learn that my beloved husband was leading a double life.  He was into child porn and had inappropriate relations with a young teen girl. My car stalled and blew up.

It was my daughter and my previous experiences that God used to keep me going. I knew the pain of running from God when life got traumatic, so I ran to God. My shame, fear, anger, humiliation, I gave it all to Him. It was not easy, but God kept me goung. Better yet He was teaching me about joy the whole way.

Joy, my certainty that this life can suck but if I stay true to Him I get to spend forever with Him! Joy is my eternal focus through all the good, beautiful, bad and ugly of life.

Joy for me is being a mom to an incredible girl. She is strong willed, stubborn, cantankerous at times, beautiful, loving, creative, athletic, smart, silly, fun and wonderful. I love her to infinity and beyond, forever and ever, no matter what.
She is a gift beyond words.

No life here is easy, but it has its moments. It can be great if you focus on joy and the Giver of Joy.


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