There is a kid's book (actually part of series) called, God Gave Us You. I love it and Snowflake loves it. It is one of our favorite bedtime books. After we read it she will ask, "Mom, tell me how God gave me to you and my dad." So I will tell her our (7 year appropriate) love story. Lately it has morphed into, "Tell me why my Dad decided to go to jail. Tell me why he isn't part of our family. What did we do wrong?"
I've struggled for a long time figuring out what to tell her about her dad. She knows he is in jail, but that is about it. His crimes are not for a 7 year old to have to know about. Heck, I hate knowing what he did and all the people he hurt, his daughter being a major hurt party. His whole family. I still hurt at times. I've moved on in my heart. Our love story ended when he chose to do what he did, I just didn't know for a long time that I was living in our epilogue.
Every night when we pray, she asks for God to watch over her Dad, to help him want forgiveness and do good works in jail. This girl who hasn't seen her dad since she was 14 months old loves him. God designed us to love our parents. They are part of us. I encourage her to pray for her Dad.
I don't hate him. I don't love him the way I used to. I could never trust him again or live with him again. He is definitely part of my yesterdays. Yet, every day I see his eyes when I look at my Snowflake. I see his temper in her stamped foot and folded arms. I've forgiven him, but even though he helped me create the most amazing thing, our daughter, he is not in my today or tomorrows. I don't know who is, that is for God to help me discern.
I don't know if I'm still in the epilogue of my great love story or if it was all prologue to my life time love, my forever and ever amen love (yep, I'm a Randy Travis fan). God sees the big picture. I feel like I've closed the book on my love. It was good, sweet, thrilling and climaxed in sorrow. Now, I'm ready to see what story God is writing. Is it the story of me as Ruth in singleness, or will I find my Boaz and this is my interim? Right now, only God knows. But if I remain with Naomi or if I find my Boaz, I know one thing for sure. Jehovah, the God of Ruth is my God.
I trust that my Savior, Guide, Best Friend, Judge and Father is also authoring a story in my life that I pray points to Him. I am enjoying every day with my daughter. Being her Mom is such a gift. It is the part of that story that continues with me, even when I've closed the cover and set it on my bookshelf.
I've struggled for a long time figuring out what to tell her about her dad. She knows he is in jail, but that is about it. His crimes are not for a 7 year old to have to know about. Heck, I hate knowing what he did and all the people he hurt, his daughter being a major hurt party. His whole family. I still hurt at times. I've moved on in my heart. Our love story ended when he chose to do what he did, I just didn't know for a long time that I was living in our epilogue.
Every night when we pray, she asks for God to watch over her Dad, to help him want forgiveness and do good works in jail. This girl who hasn't seen her dad since she was 14 months old loves him. God designed us to love our parents. They are part of us. I encourage her to pray for her Dad.
I don't hate him. I don't love him the way I used to. I could never trust him again or live with him again. He is definitely part of my yesterdays. Yet, every day I see his eyes when I look at my Snowflake. I see his temper in her stamped foot and folded arms. I've forgiven him, but even though he helped me create the most amazing thing, our daughter, he is not in my today or tomorrows. I don't know who is, that is for God to help me discern.
I don't know if I'm still in the epilogue of my great love story or if it was all prologue to my life time love, my forever and ever amen love (yep, I'm a Randy Travis fan). God sees the big picture. I feel like I've closed the book on my love. It was good, sweet, thrilling and climaxed in sorrow. Now, I'm ready to see what story God is writing. Is it the story of me as Ruth in singleness, or will I find my Boaz and this is my interim? Right now, only God knows. But if I remain with Naomi or if I find my Boaz, I know one thing for sure. Jehovah, the God of Ruth is my God.
I trust that my Savior, Guide, Best Friend, Judge and Father is also authoring a story in my life that I pray points to Him. I am enjoying every day with my daughter. Being her Mom is such a gift. It is the part of that story that continues with me, even when I've closed the cover and set it on my bookshelf.
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