One of the battles Snowflake and I have fought over the last 4.5 years is with sleep. She started out life as the greatest sleeper in the history of baby sleep. Quickly she was sleeping for 4-5 hours at a time. When she was awake she was inquisitive, happy and fun. When she was asleep she was O-U-T, out! She could sleep in the bowling alley! I thought I had birthed the world's best sleeper. I did not deal with new mom exhaustion. I was blessed.
AND THEN...
Well it started when she was fourteen months old. When our life changed. People say that little humans are resilient, and they are, but they notice and respond to major life changes. They are human after all and trauma affects us all, age doesn't matter. The young, old and in between are all changed by traumatic events, and Snowflake, she has a background with trauma. It isn't easy to lose a parent at any age, when you are too young to understand why that parent vanished and then the other parent moves you to a brand new environment where only the language (that you are just starting to figure out) is the same, well that changes a kid.
Her development seemed to stall. She quit trying to walk, she quit trying to talk in English and she quit sleeping. With help from our WONDERFUL Child Development Center (seriously those folks are amazing in their jobs. I love them for how they helped not only my sweet girl, but the plethora of others they serve daily) Snowflake started talking and walking.
What hasn't improved with the years is her sleep. This child hates sleep. She avoids sleep. She seems to believe that sleep is an enemy that must be vanquished. At first I thought it was the crib. She is a bit claustrophobic (could be the extra weeks she spent in the womb), so she moved to her toddler bed at a young age for that, but for two weeks (that's 14 whole amazing nights) she slept great! She wasn't hemmed in, unable to escape. Then, well she learned-- she wasn't hemmed in. She could ESCAPE! WOOHOO!!! FREEDOM!!! And she enjoyed it, so much so the bedroom door left and a baby gate replaced it. Monkey girl was not hindered by the baby gate.
I thought ok, it is a behavior issue, so we tried dealing with the behavior, but that didn't bother her. She learned to stay in her room, but she wouldn't sleep and I didn't feel comfortable sleeping when my two year old was having a hoe down in her room. So neither of us slept. I read blogs, medical and psychological journals, published books, I talked with trusted parents, all that and still my daughter managed 3-4 hours of sleep each night. Not good and not healthy for either of us.
Being a single mom with no child support means I HAVE to work. No choice (well I guess the cardboard box under the bridge is an option, but even this gal would get chilly in the winter and the child protective people might frown on that address, so I work). Do you know what 99.9999999999% of child care places do with toddlers and preschoolers? They have them nap. Oh the nap. I personally love naps (RA/Chronic Fatigue and Anti-Sleep Child do that), but naps + my child= 1-2 hours of nightly sleep.
I tried EVERYTHING. Cutting out naps whenever possible, getting sugar and artificial dyes out of the diet, LOTS and LOTS of exercise, essential oils, tapping, yoga, TV/No TV, radio, white noise, letting her sleep with me.... BINGO! When she is in my bed she averages 6-7 hours which is twice what she gets in her bed and bedroom. Better, but not the best solution.
Finally at age 6 after YEARS of trying everything under the sun and beyond it I caved. My child is on Clonidine and we are playing with the dosage but when it is correct we get 9-10 blessed, restful, necessary hours of deep sleep. It is a huge gift to both of us. We are more patient, less cranky, we have more vim and vigor, we behave better and the days are just more fun. So yes, I medicate my child and I'm ok with it. Sometimes we need the chemicals to help what is deficient in our bodies. It is a small dosage, but makes a huge difference. I also expect that with the necessary rest my child will get sick less often. Sleep is such an important thing. So, we continue to fight sleep but we finally have a soldier with us that is up to the task and is helping us win!
Through all of this I've had the support of a fellow mom who also has a no sleep child the same age as Snowflake. As much as I hate that both of our families are dealing with this frustrating, exhausting and no fun fight, it does help to have a fellow mom that gets it. A fellow mom that understands when you let your child watch Frozen at 10:30 pm because that puts them to sleep (that worked for 3 nights) and doesn't judge because when your child doesn't sleep you try anything. A fellow mom that can see the humor in it all and reminds you, that this too shall pass and before we know what happened we will want these long nights back because it will mean our children are grown and have flown the coop (you know after we home school them through their Master level classes)!
Parenting is hard, but when you love your children you are with them every step of the way, even when those steps are an exhausted struggle as you are dragging a body that is CRAVING sleep. Whatever battle you are fighting as a parent, know that you are not alone. We are all in this together trying to raise children into adults that love Jesus, love each other and do good things in this world. And yes, these battles don't last. Keep at it! Keep being loving parents!
AND THEN...
Well it started when she was fourteen months old. When our life changed. People say that little humans are resilient, and they are, but they notice and respond to major life changes. They are human after all and trauma affects us all, age doesn't matter. The young, old and in between are all changed by traumatic events, and Snowflake, she has a background with trauma. It isn't easy to lose a parent at any age, when you are too young to understand why that parent vanished and then the other parent moves you to a brand new environment where only the language (that you are just starting to figure out) is the same, well that changes a kid.
Her development seemed to stall. She quit trying to walk, she quit trying to talk in English and she quit sleeping. With help from our WONDERFUL Child Development Center (seriously those folks are amazing in their jobs. I love them for how they helped not only my sweet girl, but the plethora of others they serve daily) Snowflake started talking and walking.
What hasn't improved with the years is her sleep. This child hates sleep. She avoids sleep. She seems to believe that sleep is an enemy that must be vanquished. At first I thought it was the crib. She is a bit claustrophobic (could be the extra weeks she spent in the womb), so she moved to her toddler bed at a young age for that, but for two weeks (that's 14 whole amazing nights) she slept great! She wasn't hemmed in, unable to escape. Then, well she learned-- she wasn't hemmed in. She could ESCAPE! WOOHOO!!! FREEDOM!!! And she enjoyed it, so much so the bedroom door left and a baby gate replaced it. Monkey girl was not hindered by the baby gate.
I thought ok, it is a behavior issue, so we tried dealing with the behavior, but that didn't bother her. She learned to stay in her room, but she wouldn't sleep and I didn't feel comfortable sleeping when my two year old was having a hoe down in her room. So neither of us slept. I read blogs, medical and psychological journals, published books, I talked with trusted parents, all that and still my daughter managed 3-4 hours of sleep each night. Not good and not healthy for either of us.
Being a single mom with no child support means I HAVE to work. No choice (well I guess the cardboard box under the bridge is an option, but even this gal would get chilly in the winter and the child protective people might frown on that address, so I work). Do you know what 99.9999999999% of child care places do with toddlers and preschoolers? They have them nap. Oh the nap. I personally love naps (RA/Chronic Fatigue and Anti-Sleep Child do that), but naps + my child= 1-2 hours of nightly sleep.
I tried EVERYTHING. Cutting out naps whenever possible, getting sugar and artificial dyes out of the diet, LOTS and LOTS of exercise, essential oils, tapping, yoga, TV/No TV, radio, white noise, letting her sleep with me.... BINGO! When she is in my bed she averages 6-7 hours which is twice what she gets in her bed and bedroom. Better, but not the best solution.
Finally at age 6 after YEARS of trying everything under the sun and beyond it I caved. My child is on Clonidine and we are playing with the dosage but when it is correct we get 9-10 blessed, restful, necessary hours of deep sleep. It is a huge gift to both of us. We are more patient, less cranky, we have more vim and vigor, we behave better and the days are just more fun. So yes, I medicate my child and I'm ok with it. Sometimes we need the chemicals to help what is deficient in our bodies. It is a small dosage, but makes a huge difference. I also expect that with the necessary rest my child will get sick less often. Sleep is such an important thing. So, we continue to fight sleep but we finally have a soldier with us that is up to the task and is helping us win!
Through all of this I've had the support of a fellow mom who also has a no sleep child the same age as Snowflake. As much as I hate that both of our families are dealing with this frustrating, exhausting and no fun fight, it does help to have a fellow mom that gets it. A fellow mom that understands when you let your child watch Frozen at 10:30 pm because that puts them to sleep (that worked for 3 nights) and doesn't judge because when your child doesn't sleep you try anything. A fellow mom that can see the humor in it all and reminds you, that this too shall pass and before we know what happened we will want these long nights back because it will mean our children are grown and have flown the coop (you know after we home school them through their Master level classes)!
Parenting is hard, but when you love your children you are with them every step of the way, even when those steps are an exhausted struggle as you are dragging a body that is CRAVING sleep. Whatever battle you are fighting as a parent, know that you are not alone. We are all in this together trying to raise children into adults that love Jesus, love each other and do good things in this world. And yes, these battles don't last. Keep at it! Keep being loving parents!
Let's revisit this blog post you wrote when the kids are sixTEEN and won't GET OUT OF BED, because THEY'RE TOO BUSY SLEEPING!! (At least, that's what I tell myself will happen. All teenagers sleep, right?! You know, though, that ours might break that theory.)
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