In less than 2 months it will be 5 years. 5 years since I last hugged my husband. 5 years since we shared a bed. 5 years since he held his daughter. 5 long years.
"It is time to move on" they say. "You should have been over him a long time ago." they say. "You've been seperated or divorced longer than you were married. " they say. "Think about what he did. " they say.
Trust me I know quite well what he did. I live with the shame of being the unknowing wife. I am well aware of his sins. I deal with the consequences of his sins.
Yes, we are divorced. Yes it has been 5 years. Grief is not an event with a stopwatch. Grief is not a linear journey. I am doing much better. I also have my rough times.
I loved him with all my heart. I would not have married him otherwise. My daughter is full of his DNA. Biologically she is half him. I see him in her. That is not a bad thing.
I did not marry a monster. I married a fellow human who committed evil acts, who behaved shamefully and hurt many people. His daughter and I are among his victims.
My heart will never be the same. He broke it. It has healed but with cracks and fissures and sometimes those cracks open up. Tears spring up and spill out. Fear creeps in.
Will God heal me to the point that I can trust my heart and my daughter's heart to another man? Will God provide me with a godly husband? I thought I had maybe found him, but I wasn't ready and he wasn't the right man. I pray for him.
I pray for my ex. I pray that God brings him to utter brokenness and that God uses him as a light in prison to enlarge the kingdom. Prisons are full of men and women God loves and wants in Heaven. We may not be able to forgive their sins but God is so much greater than we are!
All you THEYS in my life I am doing my best. I know how long it has been since my world shattered. I am trying. I am leaning on Christ. I am healing. I will always have cracks. My future is in the hands of the one who has never hurt me, never caused me anything but good. He will continue to help. I am moving forward. Truly. But all you THEYS just shush. This is not your journey. I will take it at a pace I can handle. If along the way I need a break to be sad, God will shelter me.
To the non THEYS in my life, thank you. Thank you for your support. I love you.
"It is time to move on" they say. "You should have been over him a long time ago." they say. "You've been seperated or divorced longer than you were married. " they say. "Think about what he did. " they say.
Trust me I know quite well what he did. I live with the shame of being the unknowing wife. I am well aware of his sins. I deal with the consequences of his sins.
Yes, we are divorced. Yes it has been 5 years. Grief is not an event with a stopwatch. Grief is not a linear journey. I am doing much better. I also have my rough times.
I loved him with all my heart. I would not have married him otherwise. My daughter is full of his DNA. Biologically she is half him. I see him in her. That is not a bad thing.
I did not marry a monster. I married a fellow human who committed evil acts, who behaved shamefully and hurt many people. His daughter and I are among his victims.
My heart will never be the same. He broke it. It has healed but with cracks and fissures and sometimes those cracks open up. Tears spring up and spill out. Fear creeps in.
Will God heal me to the point that I can trust my heart and my daughter's heart to another man? Will God provide me with a godly husband? I thought I had maybe found him, but I wasn't ready and he wasn't the right man. I pray for him.
I pray for my ex. I pray that God brings him to utter brokenness and that God uses him as a light in prison to enlarge the kingdom. Prisons are full of men and women God loves and wants in Heaven. We may not be able to forgive their sins but God is so much greater than we are!
All you THEYS in my life I am doing my best. I know how long it has been since my world shattered. I am trying. I am leaning on Christ. I am healing. I will always have cracks. My future is in the hands of the one who has never hurt me, never caused me anything but good. He will continue to help. I am moving forward. Truly. But all you THEYS just shush. This is not your journey. I will take it at a pace I can handle. If along the way I need a break to be sad, God will shelter me.
To the non THEYS in my life, thank you. Thank you for your support. I love you.
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