I've been struggling with this post for months now. I haven't wanted to write it. I haven't wanted to revisit the feelings, the memories. I haven't wanted to put my thoughts out there, But I owe it to my daughter. I owe it to myself. Most of all, I feel like God wants me to share my thoughts. Even if only person is blessed or helped by this post, then it was worth it to me.
Spousal abuse. It happens every day. It happens in a marriage of non-believers and it is happening in the marriages of people you see at church everyday, in the marriage of people who love Jesus. Christians aren't immune to abuse. I think within the Church it is hushed up. For a few reasons. A big one is shame or embarrassment. We don't want to admit that our spouse is abusive. We feel like we are Christian failures if our Christ loving spouse is hurting us. Second, the concept of submission is not well understood in our "modern" society. Maybe just maybe this is how we submit, or we weren't submitting right. Third, we feel alone. Abuse makes you feel alone, separated, unworthy of help or support. You feel like no one will understand.
Finally, there is the edict, "Till death do we part..." we married without the thought of divorce because divorce is a sin, it is not just breaking a promise with another person, but a holy vow before almighty, righteous God! If we can't leave why whine about the abuse. We are stuck.
Oh dear readers, if you are in an abusive relationship, you are not stuck. Be you a church going person, the devoutest Christian or the staunchest atheist. God weeps every time you are hurt. He weeps for you and your abuser. For your broken body, mind and heart. He weeps for the brokenness in your spouse and how the abuser is giving in to sin and hurting one that HE loves.
I come from a place of divorce. My ex-husband did not physically hurt me. He would punch holes in doors, in walls. There is no proof he hurt our baby. But physical abuse is not the only form. Intimidation is abusive. Words are abusive. Actions that don't involve fists can be abusive. Withholding finances can be abusive. Lying and cheating is abusive. Abuse has many faces and they all originated with Satan and come straight from Hell.
In a marriage that honors Christ both spouses feel safe. Your spouse is protection from the storm. He/she (and yes wives can be the abusers) is not the storm. Christ is the head of the marriage. The husband is the leader and the wife is the helper. The wife is not lesser than, just different than. Submission doesn't mean you give up your voice, you give up your will. It means you understand that your husband is submitting, put God's will before his and your needs before his and you are respecting that. It is respect. Wives submit to our husbands, our husbands submit to Christ and put our needs before their needs. So really wives come out pretty great!
Abuse is hard to talk about. Extremely hard to admit it is happening and take action. God wants you to take action. He hates to see His children hurt. There are people in your church who want to help you. Let them. Taking the first step is scary but it leads to a bridge away from abuse and the fear you live in at home. It leads to healing and peace. It leads to forgiveness and joy.
Spousal abuse. It happens every day. It happens in a marriage of non-believers and it is happening in the marriages of people you see at church everyday, in the marriage of people who love Jesus. Christians aren't immune to abuse. I think within the Church it is hushed up. For a few reasons. A big one is shame or embarrassment. We don't want to admit that our spouse is abusive. We feel like we are Christian failures if our Christ loving spouse is hurting us. Second, the concept of submission is not well understood in our "modern" society. Maybe just maybe this is how we submit, or we weren't submitting right. Third, we feel alone. Abuse makes you feel alone, separated, unworthy of help or support. You feel like no one will understand.
Finally, there is the edict, "Till death do we part..." we married without the thought of divorce because divorce is a sin, it is not just breaking a promise with another person, but a holy vow before almighty, righteous God! If we can't leave why whine about the abuse. We are stuck.
Oh dear readers, if you are in an abusive relationship, you are not stuck. Be you a church going person, the devoutest Christian or the staunchest atheist. God weeps every time you are hurt. He weeps for you and your abuser. For your broken body, mind and heart. He weeps for the brokenness in your spouse and how the abuser is giving in to sin and hurting one that HE loves.
I come from a place of divorce. My ex-husband did not physically hurt me. He would punch holes in doors, in walls. There is no proof he hurt our baby. But physical abuse is not the only form. Intimidation is abusive. Words are abusive. Actions that don't involve fists can be abusive. Withholding finances can be abusive. Lying and cheating is abusive. Abuse has many faces and they all originated with Satan and come straight from Hell.
In a marriage that honors Christ both spouses feel safe. Your spouse is protection from the storm. He/she (and yes wives can be the abusers) is not the storm. Christ is the head of the marriage. The husband is the leader and the wife is the helper. The wife is not lesser than, just different than. Submission doesn't mean you give up your voice, you give up your will. It means you understand that your husband is submitting, put God's will before his and your needs before his and you are respecting that. It is respect. Wives submit to our husbands, our husbands submit to Christ and put our needs before their needs. So really wives come out pretty great!
Abuse is hard to talk about. Extremely hard to admit it is happening and take action. God wants you to take action. He hates to see His children hurt. There are people in your church who want to help you. Let them. Taking the first step is scary but it leads to a bridge away from abuse and the fear you live in at home. It leads to healing and peace. It leads to forgiveness and joy.
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