Discussions We Avoid

This will not be a typical post. It isn't about Snowflake. While this blog is mostly about my misadventures in single parenting, it is also about my life. Sometimes that doesn't include parenting. So stick with me, Snowflake posts will return.

I recently had a frank discussion with a trusted friend. She asked what I missed most about marriage. She wanted me to describe three things.

1. Intimacy. Platonic intimacy. Feeling like I could be totally myself and was loved for it.

2. The friendship. Having the person I love the most, have fun with, laugh with and can grow old with. Your spouse should be the person you enjoy spending the most time with.

3. The support. Be it financial, job related or child related. I miss having the support of my spouse.

Often times I avoid talking about my ex because I am moving forward and focusing on today. I am too busy to dwell. I don't want to seem ungrateful for what is in my life. And people act like I was wrong to love him, I am wrong to still let him have a piece of my heart.

I wasn't and I'm not. Without him I wouldn't have my daughter. I couldn't ever have imagined how things would go. Yes, he did some abominable things and he should face consequences. Yes, I am where I need to be, but I am not a person that hates. I won't hate him.

I love the memories I have of our wedding, of our first night home with Snowflake, of date nights and passing the time in a blackout. He has a piece of my heart.

That doesn't mean I condone what he did, or that I am stuck. I have a great life and he isn't in it.

Life is strange, but it is precious. It is weird and beautiful. Just go with it and enjoy the scenery!

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