A House Prepared for Me

With the death of my great aunt, a gal at church and the time of the year I can't hemp but reminisce. Death sucks. Grieving sucks. Moving on sucks. Mourning headaches (the ones you get from crying) sucks.

I miss both of my grandmothers, but my Mom's mom is the death I struggle with so much. Maybe because I relate to her. We both love history, especially family history. We both have a strong affinity for America. We have both been betrayed by our respective spouses.

The last almost 5 years I have needed her wisdom, advice and hugs. I know that even though she resides in Heaven now I still have her love. That will never change. Still, I wish I could have 1 more hour with her. Just 1. Just 60 minutes to hug her and listen to her wisdom.

Today I am really missing her. Missing her is tough. She was special to do many, friendly, gracious and loving. To me she was just Grandma.

So as I miss her and grieve anew for all the moments with her I don't get, for all the memories Snowflake will never have, for all that death stole I am filled with joy. She is in Heaven! She has her beautiful voice back and her sickness is gone. She is healthy, whole and not only with the family she loved and missed, but even more with her Savior. That beautiful voice is probably right now singing hymns to Jesus and seeing Him. Glory!

On this side death sucks and it is ok to admit. On the other side, for the believer death is amazing! It is going to home. It is seeing Jesus! It is no more pain of any kind. It is hello and never goodbye. It is being with God. It is more than we can imagine.

So as I long for those I love and miss I will remember that for them they are with the joy giver.

Comments

Family Photos & Back to School Photos

In mid August my parents celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary. A big deal in a country where it is stated half of all marriages last less than 10 years. As a way to celebrate, my gift to my parents and our whole family, was to pay a professional photographer to take family photos. A way to commemorate having both daughters and all three grand kids in the same room. Originally we were going to have them taken outside at a local landmark. The backdrops would be fun and gorgeous, a mansion for some photos and the mountains for the rest. You can't beat God's artistry as a background for photos, and the mansion is just a fun local area for photos. Well, the weather decided to act up, and Mother Nature threw a little crying fest that morning (the only time we had available for photos) and forced us to relocate. So, we moved inside to our parents' living room. A room were many a photo has been taken. We stretched our photographer's creativity and willingness to work wit...

My Gift

In so many ways this child is my "mini-me", but in just as many other ways we are vastly different. It has been fun to watch her grow and become Snowflake. To see her interests and hobbies emerge. Just like her Mom, she loves comfy & cuddly clothes at night. This outfit sums up her personality. Fun with flair and cozy. Exciting and comforting. While I gravitate more toward Peanuts, Pooh Bear and Calvin and Hobbes, Snowflake chooses: My Little Pony, Shopkins and Paw Patrol. We both agree on the awesomeness of the Berenstain Bears. I have always wanted to be a mom. As a kid I pictured myself as a stay at home mom and wife. We would have 3 kids, 2 dogs and 1 cat. Once the kids were all in school I would either be a substitute teacher or a counselor working from home. My reality is not what I pictured, dreamed of and prayed for. My daughter spent her early years in daycare. My ex is in prison for life and our family is: Mom, daughter and 2 c...

No Sleep & A Friend Who Gets it!

One of the battles Snowflake and I have fought over the last 4.5 years is with sleep. She started out life as the greatest sleeper in the history of baby sleep. Quickly she was sleeping for 4-5 hours at a time. When she was awake she was inquisitive, happy and fun. When she was asleep she was O-U-T, out! She could sleep in the bowling alley! I thought I had birthed the world's best sleeper. I did not deal with new mom exhaustion. I was blessed. AND THEN... Well it started when she was fourteen months old. When our life changed. People say that little humans are resilient, and they are, but they notice and respond to major life changes. They are human after all and trauma affects us all, age doesn't matter. The young, old and in between are all changed by traumatic events, and Snowflake, she has a background with trauma. It isn't easy to lose a parent at any age, when you are too young to understand why that parent vanished and then the other parent moves you to a brand ...

Snowflakes and Joy

Search This Blog