In 2009 while at seminary I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis and its bedfellow Chronic Fatigue. Finally after years and multiple misdiagnosis issues, I had answers. I could put a name to what my body was doing. It isn't pretty folks. And no, I'm not too young. RA can hit anyone at any age.
I can cope with the pain. I have strategies for that. What I really hate the most is the fatigue. Fatigue is not just being tired or sleepy. This is more. Imagine carrying an 80 pound pack up your state's tallest peak with no training. Picture yourself at the top. That is not even enough. Fatigue is in your bones, in your head, your muscles, each cell is weary, beyond weary.
Fatigue is part of many other disorders. For those with pain disorders part of it comes from being in pain ALL. THE. TIME. The pain can sometimes be masked, but it is a partner for life.
What is the hardest is being this weary and not able to go on walks, to the park, our play with my daughter. It is not signing my Snowflake up for activities because I don't know if I can get her to them. It is seeing my body affecting my daughter. It is tears running down my face in frustration for all that I can't provide for her.
My body and these struggles have taught me that to be able to worship God in the valley and truly say, "It is well. I trust you Abba" is a sign of maturity. It is easy to worship and trust on the mountaintop, but can we trust Him with our struggles and find the good in the pain?
It has taught my daughter empathy. She does well taking care of Mommy. She is sweet and kind. She will watch movies when that is all I can do. She is learning to meet people where they are and serve them.
Watching my daughter develop these aspects of her character is amazing. It will take her a long way. It is important for all of us to be able to see a need and quietly fix it.
A Great Song!
I can cope with the pain. I have strategies for that. What I really hate the most is the fatigue. Fatigue is not just being tired or sleepy. This is more. Imagine carrying an 80 pound pack up your state's tallest peak with no training. Picture yourself at the top. That is not even enough. Fatigue is in your bones, in your head, your muscles, each cell is weary, beyond weary.
Fatigue is part of many other disorders. For those with pain disorders part of it comes from being in pain ALL. THE. TIME. The pain can sometimes be masked, but it is a partner for life.
What is the hardest is being this weary and not able to go on walks, to the park, our play with my daughter. It is not signing my Snowflake up for activities because I don't know if I can get her to them. It is seeing my body affecting my daughter. It is tears running down my face in frustration for all that I can't provide for her.
My body and these struggles have taught me that to be able to worship God in the valley and truly say, "It is well. I trust you Abba" is a sign of maturity. It is easy to worship and trust on the mountaintop, but can we trust Him with our struggles and find the good in the pain?
It has taught my daughter empathy. She does well taking care of Mommy. She is sweet and kind. She will watch movies when that is all I can do. She is learning to meet people where they are and serve them.
Watching my daughter develop these aspects of her character is amazing. It will take her a long way. It is important for all of us to be able to see a need and quietly fix it.
A Great Song!
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