At times we go through our day and our normal is just what we are used to. The fact that it is just Snowflake and her Mom is not a big deal. It has been our normal since mid 2013, over five years now. I've been divorced longer than I was married. Most of my parenting experience has been as a single mom. It is what it is and we live our lives. We laugh, we sing, we dance, we cook together, we do life as a small family.
Then there are days when it is just discouraging. When I want to throw in the towel, when I absolutely, positively HATE our normal. I hate not having a partner for this parenting journey. I HATE having to make all the decisions alone. I hate it. I just hate it. It is hard. It is scary. It is exhausting. There is a LOT of self doubt, second guessing and feeling like a failure. There is the fear that I am totally screwing up my child. There is guilt.
Being a parent is tough. Being a married parent has its struggles (though I'd trade mine for those any day). I say this, so people say, "Just get remarried then." Well it isn't that easy. It isn't easy to meet guys when you are an introvert and just like to stay home, or when your going out activities involve teaching a small group at church or playing in the handbell choir. I much prefer to stay at home and read or go to the library and read. Or go for hikes in the mountains. My hobbies are mostly solitary or things that don't get me around many single guys my age who want a ready made family.
Life throws us curve balls. Life isn't easy. We aren't in the Garden of Eden anymore. There are ups and downs, struggles and triumphs. Fears and overcoming. There is stress and times of relaxation. It is on the days when I just want to scream "IT ISN'T FAIR!" that I remember, "There is nothing new under the sun." Solomon was a wise man, for sure. I find this quote to be comforting.
There is nothing new. My situation is a situation faced by many. God knows how to help me handle it. Your situation is not new. God knows how to get you through your down times too, you just have to let Him help. We can't surprise God or catch Him off guard. He is ready and able to help. He may not choose to help the way we would like.
God may not heal your family member here on earth, he may call him/her home. God hasn't plopped the perfect husband/dad for Snowflake and me right on our front porch with a ring and sign that says, "This is who I have for you." God may not give you the winning Lotto ticket to ease your financial burden. He may not take away your disease, or fix your car, keep the fire from burning your house.
Crap happens not because God is unable to fix it. He can. He doesn't. Crap happens because we humans have each used our free will to make the wrong choices at times. God loves us enough to let us. That's a lot of love. It is hard letting your children make mistakes and have to learn from them. Crap happens because this world is broken.
God helps us by giving us hope through the pain. Hope and knowledge that Heaven is awaiting. Heaven where nothing is broken. Heaven where bad stuff will never happen. Heaven where tears are wiped away for good. Heaven, the place we long for. God helps us by giving us peace. Peace that allows us the strength to endure the hardships. Peace, that allows us the courage to get up in the morning when all we want to do is hide away from the pain. God helps us by giving us endurance. Endurance to get through the days. God helps us by loving us, and filling us with the knowledge of His love.
There are innumerable ways that God helps us. This world isn't easy. Life isn't easy, but we have GOD helping us and we have so many times in this life that are AMAZING. The smile of our child, a hug in the morning. A beautiful sunset that sets the sky ablaze. A surprise party thrown by friends, an expected spot of beauty around the corner on a hike, your wedding day, a delicious cup of hot chocolate.
Life isn't easy, but even in the hard it can be very good we just have to find the good.
Then there are days when it is just discouraging. When I want to throw in the towel, when I absolutely, positively HATE our normal. I hate not having a partner for this parenting journey. I HATE having to make all the decisions alone. I hate it. I just hate it. It is hard. It is scary. It is exhausting. There is a LOT of self doubt, second guessing and feeling like a failure. There is the fear that I am totally screwing up my child. There is guilt.
Being a parent is tough. Being a married parent has its struggles (though I'd trade mine for those any day). I say this, so people say, "Just get remarried then." Well it isn't that easy. It isn't easy to meet guys when you are an introvert and just like to stay home, or when your going out activities involve teaching a small group at church or playing in the handbell choir. I much prefer to stay at home and read or go to the library and read. Or go for hikes in the mountains. My hobbies are mostly solitary or things that don't get me around many single guys my age who want a ready made family.
Life throws us curve balls. Life isn't easy. We aren't in the Garden of Eden anymore. There are ups and downs, struggles and triumphs. Fears and overcoming. There is stress and times of relaxation. It is on the days when I just want to scream "IT ISN'T FAIR!" that I remember, "There is nothing new under the sun." Solomon was a wise man, for sure. I find this quote to be comforting.
There is nothing new. My situation is a situation faced by many. God knows how to help me handle it. Your situation is not new. God knows how to get you through your down times too, you just have to let Him help. We can't surprise God or catch Him off guard. He is ready and able to help. He may not choose to help the way we would like.
God may not heal your family member here on earth, he may call him/her home. God hasn't plopped the perfect husband/dad for Snowflake and me right on our front porch with a ring and sign that says, "This is who I have for you." God may not give you the winning Lotto ticket to ease your financial burden. He may not take away your disease, or fix your car, keep the fire from burning your house.
Crap happens not because God is unable to fix it. He can. He doesn't. Crap happens because we humans have each used our free will to make the wrong choices at times. God loves us enough to let us. That's a lot of love. It is hard letting your children make mistakes and have to learn from them. Crap happens because this world is broken.
God helps us by giving us hope through the pain. Hope and knowledge that Heaven is awaiting. Heaven where nothing is broken. Heaven where bad stuff will never happen. Heaven where tears are wiped away for good. Heaven, the place we long for. God helps us by giving us peace. Peace that allows us the strength to endure the hardships. Peace, that allows us the courage to get up in the morning when all we want to do is hide away from the pain. God helps us by giving us endurance. Endurance to get through the days. God helps us by loving us, and filling us with the knowledge of His love.
There are innumerable ways that God helps us. This world isn't easy. Life isn't easy, but we have GOD helping us and we have so many times in this life that are AMAZING. The smile of our child, a hug in the morning. A beautiful sunset that sets the sky ablaze. A surprise party thrown by friends, an expected spot of beauty around the corner on a hike, your wedding day, a delicious cup of hot chocolate.
Life isn't easy, but even in the hard it can be very good we just have to find the good.
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